You’re Exactly Where You Need To Be.
You’re exactly where you need to be. You really are….
Even when you haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep in the last five months, wondering if you’re “qualified” to be a parent.
You’re not “failing” as a parent.
Your worries are not “too ridiculous.”
You’re not being “too much.”
You’re just right.
I’ve spent the first 18 years of my life searching for a place to belong.
Then one of my meditation teachers in Thailand casually dropped this pearl of wisdom on me:
“Nat, you’re exactly where you need to be.”
Did I listen?
Welp, let’s just say I’m a little wiser now than I was then.
So, I spent the next 15 years after that proving her wrong.
I moved to Illinois to complete my graduate degree and took as many postgraduate trainings as I could.
I wanted to keep improving and becoming a better therapist.
It was as if each training certificate certified my worth and my existence.
After enough certifications and tools under my therapy belt (to cover my insecurity and conceal my imposter syndrome), I started serving parents, like you, and their infants and toddlers with special needs.
That’s when I finally understood what my meditation teacher meant.
Ever since I started working with parents in 2007, I’ve heard variations of:
“I’m so alone. I’m just too different from other parents.”
“I’m to blame for his autism.”
“I have no clue what I’m doing. I just want my child to turn out better than I am.”
In that time, I’ve also witnessed the very same parents opening their hearts fearlessly to love their child even when they couldn’t believe in themselves fully (yet).
I’ve seen them take a leap beyond their limits to keep the lights on and dinner on the table everyday even when they don’t want to take a chance on themselves fully (yet).
I’ve been in awe of their commitment to show up for their child even when they want to throw a car seat at the word “self-care” and don’t want to show up for themselves fully (yet).
I’m not going to send you good vibes. I’m just going to sit next to you…6-feet or 10 away if that’s okay. Just sit with you and be with our feelings for a moment.
Systemic oppression will be there for you to dismantle after four more breaths. Your toddler who’s crying, banging on the bathroom door will be ready to connect with you after three more breaths. That Zoom meeting will be there for you after two more breaths.
Right in this moment…welcome home, welcome back to your body. You’re exactly where you need to be.
You got apple sauce crusting on your shirt from yesterday and you’re running in between Zoom meetings… you got this.
You’re grieving pieces of your pre-baby identity that got left behind because your whole life now seems to revolve around their eating, pooping, sleeping… you got this.
You’re not sure how to make it through the day yet you muster that last ounce of energy to read Goodnight Moon for the sixth time… you got this.
You’re feeling so guilty for handing your child the phone so you can have a moment to cook… you got this.
You’re working so hard to raise your child and no one even gets to tell you that you’re doing a great job because of the pandemic… you got this.
You’re locking yourself in the bathroom just to have two minutes to yourself… you got this.
You’re deciding whether to burst your preschooler’s childhood bubble and talk to them about racism or to preserve their innocence for another month… you got this.
You’re crying on the kitchen floor but needing to get back up, smile, and be “okay” so the whole family doesn’t fall apart…you got this.
Nonetheless, you keep showing up…
Whenever you can make time for yourself and squeeze in a tiny moment for you…
It’s okay to choose yourself.
It’s okay to come back home to who you are.
It’s okay to come back to care.
You’re exactly where you need to be.
I wrote a poem and recorded the reading last year for the Asian and Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) communities last year. Many parents found it to be very supportive for them. So, I’d like to offer it to you in hope that the words would affirm and nourish you.