The pressure from society to do parenting “right” -- to do gentle parenting “right,” say anti-racist scripts “right,” to pick the “right” toys -- can take the driver’s seat and bump your parenting intentions to the backseat…
Especially when your cup is dry from surviving under systemic oppression.
But I know you know that your child won’t remember if you were doing gentle parenting “right”.
They’ll remember how safe they felt in your arms during that tantrum…even though you couldn’t find the right words to make the crying stop. They’ll remember you were there for them when they weren’t at their best.
They won’t remember your TED talk delivery of an anti-racist script you downloaded. They’ll remember that their curiosity was met with your compassion.
They won’t remember what you do; they’ll remember the care you provide.
“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
― Maya Angelou
So, what does it take for you to show up with care and compassion (most of the time) while trying to survive the Hunger Games of Capitalism?
I believe it starts with clearing away two barriers that get in the way of you showing up as the parent you know you can be.
Those two barriers are:
Inner child wounds that get triggered and cause you to unintentionally repeat the same family cycles you promised to break.
Internalized oppression wounds that get triggered and cause you to unintentionally choose control over connection; domination over compassion; and productivity and perfectionism over pleasure and vulnerability.
Right Here, Right Now, You and I Can Put Our Social Justice Intention into Action Together… Most of the Time.
Our Theory of Change
“Transform Yourself to Transform the World…”
“…to see our own lives and work and relationships as a front line, a first place we can practice justice, liberation, and alignment with each other and the planet.”
Grace Lee Boggs, a Chinese-American activist and philosopher
TRUSTED BY
“Nat's gentle spirit is wonderful. She is one of the most skills facilitators I have witnessed in her capacity to stay true to a body-based practice where she guides us to feel, sense and truly experience the content, while also covering content and research, and holding space for a true group process, all while practicing social justice.”
— Sapphira Lam
The In-Out-N-Through® Program Graduate
Transformation in parenting needs to take place in our body, mind, and spirit… in a community.
Because we can’t think our way out of our triggers, any more than we can “love and light” white, colonial, capitalist patriarchy away…
That’s why you’ll practice decolonized parenting and inner child re-parenting through self-reflection, storytelling, and body-based practices in a framework called:
The In-Out-N-Through® Framework
In = Self-Reflection
Going within and reflecting on how past family patterns and present internalized oppression imprison your full humanity. Abolish the prison in your mind so you can abolish the Prison Industrial Complex. So that you raise your child by your own parenting playbook…most of the time.
Out = Storytelling
Writing out and telling your family stories that might have been fragmented by systemic oppression and attachment injuries (or inner child wounds). Writing out these fragmented stories to integrate them into a coherent and wholesome one.
Through = Somatics
(Body-based practices)
Stepping in and out of the fear and shame that keep you stuck so that you can step through your discomfort into action that’s aligned with your values. Breaking through the compulsion to contort, conform, and perform by feeling your body and re-wiring your nervous system reactions that have been co-opted by the oppressors.
Whether we’re parenting or practicing social justice advocacy we begin by going IN ourselves, coming OUT the other side of pain and breaking THROUGH what we thought was impossible. When we go IN, OUT, and THROUGH we always Come Back to Care.
Care is coming back home to your body and all of who you are, including parts of you that your caregivers didn’t accept (inner child wounds) and parts of you that systemic oppression doesn’t approve of (internalized oppression wounds).
Then, we extend care to our families, our lineages, our communities, and the land.
Then, we bring our whole selves to abolish the systems that hurt us and re-build the ones that heal us.
We heal as we get free, together.
“One of the biggest changes I have maintained since the program is noticing how my body feels during particular triggering moments and then using that as a reminder to take a pause (even just one deep breath is helpful) and reset before I respond. Remembering that my 4-year old needs help to regulate her nervous system also helps me respond with more compassion and empathy instead of letting my own nervous system get overwhelmed by her big emotions. I am also more gentle with myself when I don't parent exactly the way I want to and I am letting go of the pressure of perfection.”
— Katherine Leshchiner
The In-Out-N-Through® Program Graduate
Our Liberation Praxis: Parenting is Political
We believe:
Parenting your child starts with re-parenting your inner child.
Being a more skillful advocate in your community starts with practicing social justice actions in your daily parenting at home.
We practice:
Shifting focus from Parenting Strategies to Parenting Agility.
I don’t need to teach you parenting strategies. You design your own (with me).
I’ll share child development science and social justice actions with you.
Then, I’ll be next to you as you write your own parenting playbook which is rooted in your social justice values and which fits with your child’s development.
This deep work is a full-course meal (but very digestible) -- not a snack.
I love snacks too. Snacks tide you and I over when white colonial capitalist patriarchy leaves us too tired to even eat. But I wholeheartedly believe that we both deserve a full-course meal that nourishes us and sustains our daily action towards liberation.
To paraphrase adrienne maree brown:
Will you give change a chance?
Results Families Have Cultivated From The In-Out-N-Through® Program
"I found myself employing those (body-based practices) in stressful moments pretty much from the moment that we covered them. I was working my way through tantrums or, uh, domestic strife with my ‘Supermodel Poses’. Really trying to work on my own regulation to get me through tough days and already been introducing Remy to some of these ideas…"
— Nani Bisset
“My daughter Petra and I are now closer and I learn to listen and that I don't need to be perfect. Also listening to my body and being more understanding of disabled son. I feel many of these lessons have helped me connect with my partner.”
— Xochi Flores
“My kids see me as a human AND a dad. We also grew new space for them to be more honest about their feelings.”
— Flo’
Listen
Watch
It’s not too late to become the parent you know you can be.
Land & Lineage Acknowledgement
Because the work we’re about to embody together involves the past, present, and future, I would like to extend my wholehearted gratitude to the luminaries whose work I’m building upon and the beings who teach me to serve with unconditional love and courage.
I’m deeply grateful to be pouring my heart into Come Back to Care as a guest in the stolen land of the Objibwe, Odawa, and Potawatomi Nations (Chicago).
It’s both a blessing and a dream come true to infuse my ancestral & cultural knowledge with my Eurocentric & institutionalized training in order to inform my liberation practices.
This list is evolving as I’m a lifelong learner, mistake maker, and norm agitator.
My ancestral traditions:
Theravaya Buhddhist teaching and meditation
Daoist energy cultivation practice, such as Qigong
Classical Chinese Face Reading
Traditional Thai dancing and Muay Thai
My liberation practices…
…began with the transgender sex worker community in Thailand. These fierce and beautiful beings first taught me how to practice transformative justice and mutual aid before I even learned the formal definitions of the terms. They taught me to survive and thrive outside the dominant system without losing my integrity and with a lot of lip liner (remember those overdrawn lips days?). The more contemporary influences include the following:
Transformative and disability justice: Patty Berne, Mia Mingus, Mimi Kim, Mariame Kaba, Staci Haines, Stacy Milbern, and Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha. Their work guides me to center the humanity of the families with infants and toddlers with special needs I work with.
Healing justice and harm reduction: Prentis Hemphill. adrienne maree brown, Cara Page, Erica Woodland, and Shira Hassan. Their work guides me to remember the importance of joy, pleasure, connection, and community.
Education: bell hooks, Paolo Freire, Leticia Nieto. Their work guides me to weave truth, courage, and equity in everything I do, most of the time.
Somatic Abolitionism: Resmaa Menakem and the Education for Racial Equity team. Their work guides me back to the liberation that’s been in my body, heart, soul, and spirit.
My Eurocentric & institutionalized training:
Interpersonal Neurobiology
Polyvagal Theory
The Neurosequential Model in Education
Circle of Security
Infant-parent psychodynamic psychotherapy
DIR/Floortime
Sensorimotor Psychotherapy
The Newborn Behavioral Observation
The Gottman Institute’s Bringing Baby Home
Write your parenting playbook and re-parent your inner child in small steps with me in your inbox…
Bite-sized reflections and action plans for you to build your own practice of social justice parenting & inner child re-parenting. Written with love and sent with care every other week.
