Episode 12: Three Ways to Turn Toddler Tantrums into Teachable Moments
We’re going to unpack toddlers’ and preschoolers’ tantrums and meltdowns.
Episode Summary:
This episode is part one of the discipline series.
We’re going to rethink 3 common behavior management techniques. The 3 techniques we’re compassionately agitating in this episode are 1) decrease the bad behaviors, 2) be consistent, and 3) ignore the tantrums.
We’re going to take a closer look at these techniques in the context of child development, brain development, and social justice practice…because techniques or strategies alone are incomplete and even ineffective without considering context. After we explore each technique, I’ll offer an alternative way to think about tantrums and meltdowns.
What You’ll Learn From this Episode:
Why tantrums might trigger us to punish, control, and dominate our toddlers’ tantrums.
Debunking “decrease bad behaviors” using developmental sciences of early childhood.
Redefining tantrums as a cry for help instead of a cry to be annoying or manipulative.
Replacing the question of “what do I do to fix the behavior?” with “What are my child’s unmet needs underneath this behavior?”
Replacing power struggles with power-with by getting to know your inner child wounds that get stirred up by your child’s tantrums.
Debunking “be consistent.”
Replacing rigid consistency with balance.
Understanding toddler’s internal struggles of wanting to be independent and worrying if they will lose your love and connection.
Using “Co-reg then Correct” to honor your toddler’s need, soothe their brain, and then set limits, teach, and do discipline.
Debunking “ignore tantrums.”
Understanding toddler’s sense of self that emerges from being seen, heard, and validated (not from being ignored).
Replacing ignoring tantrums with teaching toddlers to ask for attention/connection.
Tantrums invite us to see the world through our toddlers’ eyes.
Tantrums invite us to do the inner child work that gets stirred up and pushes the parenting button.
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