Ep 32: How to Work with Parenting Guilt and Self-Judgment Pt. II
“…if you’re not in a body that’s white, cisgender, heteronormative, middle class, Christian, and abled, you might have to use guilt and shame to make sure you’re not too ethnic, too queer, or too weird and therefore risk losing your jobs and your ability to pay bills and put food on the table. Or you might have to use self-judgment as a whip on your back so you keep your productivity high for capitalism and keep your authenticity at bay because it causes discomfort in the dominant bodies. Is this survival strategy a “negative core belief” or an adaptive response to the inequitable social context?”
Episode Summary
In this episode, you and I will explore a practice that can lower the volume of your inner critics and strengthen your nervous system at the same time too. I’ll share why this practice can be really nourishing, drawing on lessons from neuroscience, western psychology, and social justice action. If that sounds generative to you, let’s get started.
Episode Outline
A more complete framework to teach our children emotional regulation, resilience, and problem solving and what the mainstream message is missing.
Balancing negative and positive core beliefs leads to behavioral change.
Putting “negative” core beliefs in a political context and reframing adaptive survival intelligences.
Non-dominant bodies may need shame, guilt, and self-judgment as survival strategies.
Remember Who You Are exercise: Appreciate, Visualize, Savor, and Share.
How one queer parent used this exercise.
The physiological and psychological benefits of appreciation, attention, and gratitude.
The science behind visualization.
The importance of strengthening our nervous system’s agility using savoring and sharing.
Nat’s story of the monk and the rocks.
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Resources Mentioned:
Ep 31: How to Work with Parenting Guilt and Self-Judgment: The 4 D’s Framework
Ep 12: Three Ways to Turn Toddler Tantrums into Teachable Moments
Mills, P. J., Redwine, L., Wilson, K., Pung, M. A., Chinh, K., Greenberg, B. H., Lunde, O., Maisel, A., Raisinghani, A., Wood, A., & Chopra, D. (2015). The Role of Gratitude in Spiritual Well-being in Asymptomatic Heart Failure Patients. Spirituality in clinical practice (Washington, D.C.), 2(1), 5–17. https://doi.org/10.1037/scp0000050
Liu G, Zeng G, Wang F et al. (2018) Praising others differently: neuroanatomical correlates to individual differences in trait gratitude and elevation. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience 13, 1225-1234.
Kini P, Wong J, McInnis S et al. (2016) The effects of gratitude expression on neural activity. NeuroImage 128, 1-10.
Huffman, J. C., Beale, E. E., Celano, C. M., Beach, S. R., Belcher, A. M., Moore, S. V., Suarez, L., Motiwala, S. R., Gandhi, P. U., Gaggin, H. K., & Januzzi, J. L. (2016). Effects of Optimism and Gratitude on Physical Activity, Biomarkers, and Readmissions After an Acute Coronary Syndrome: The Gratitude Research in Acute Coronary Events Study. Circulation. Cardiovascular quality and outcomes, 9(1), 55–63. https://doi.org/10.1161/CIRCOUTCOMES.115.002184
Kyeong, S., Kim, J., Kim, D. J., Kim, H. E., & Kim, J. J. (2017). Effects of gratitude meditation on neural network functional connectivity and brain-heart coupling. Scientific reports, 7(1), 5058. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-017-05520-9
The Science of Gratitude by Summer Allen
Inflamed: Deep Medicine and the Anatomy of Injustice
Extra Resources:
Beyond Time In & Time Out: What to Do with Toddler Tantrums & Meltdowns
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