Ep 37: Where do I start “meeting my child where they’re at”?
“Your discomfort around your child’s specific needs is an opportunity to get curious about the unhealed inner child wounds from your childhood underneath that discomfort.”
Episode Summary:
In this episode, you and I are going to explore two needs that children across cultures and abilities need from their caregivers to thrive. Then, you’ll unpack three things- action, awareness, and agility- that you can play with to meet those needs in your child...most of the time. Together, we’ll find ways to put 60 years of attachment research into action, so that you’re ready when systemic oppression leaves you too tired and inner child wounds leave you too triggered to show up fully for your child.
Episode Outline
The attachment science behind the importance of your child feeling seen and heard (most of the time)
Nat’s personal example of being seen and heard when she first transitioned socially.
Two categories of children’s emotional needs: connection and exploration.
Two ways to meet those needs: “I get you” and “I got you.”
How raising children to be anti-racist and anti-oppressive starts with “I get you” and “I got you.”
One question to address your parenting guilt and regret for when you couldn’t meet your child where they were at.
How systemic oppression can be a barrier to you meeting your child where there’re at.
One concrete action to play with when you’re tired but want to show up for your child.
Two ways your upbringing and its inner child wounds can be a barrier to you meeting your child where there’re at.
Defining inner child wounds and exploring why it’s important to heal them.
Two ways to work with your co-parents and partners to heal your inner child wounds.
Why it’s important to only “get it right” 30% of the time.
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Resources Mentioned:
EP 36: Three Ways to Power-With and Meet Your Child Where They’re At While Keeping Them Safe
The Power of Showing Up Dan Siegel and Tiny Payne Bryson
Lyons-Ruth, K., Bronfman, E., & Parsons, E. (1999). Maternal frightened, frightening, or atypical behavior and disorganized infant attachment patterns. Monographs of the Society for Research in Child Development, 64(3), 67–96. https://doi.org/10.1111/1540-5834.00034
Julian, M. M., Rosenblum, K. L., Doom, J. R., Leung, C. Y. Y., Lumeng, J. C., Cruz, M. G., Vazquez, D. M., & Miller, A. L. (2018). Oxytocin and parenting behavior among impoverished mothers with low vs. high early life stress. Archives of women's mental health, 21(3), 375–382. https://doi.org/10.1007/s00737-017-0798-6
Gunnar, M. R., & Hostinar, C. E. (2015). The social buffering of the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenocortical axis in humans: Developmental and experiential determinants. Social neuroscience, 10(5), 479–488. https://doi.org/10.1080/17470919.2015.1070747
Jack P. Shonkoff, Andrew S. Garner, THE COMMITTEE ON PSYCHOSOCIAL ASPECTS OF CHILD AND FAMILY HEALTH, COMMITTEE ON EARLY CHILDHOOD, ADOPTION, AND DEPENDENT CARE, AND SECTION ON DEVELOPMENTAL AND BEHAVIORAL PEDIATRICS, Benjamin S. Siegel, Mary I. Dobbins, Marian F. Earls, Andrew S. Garner, Laura McGuinn, John Pascoe, David L. Wood; The Lifelong Effects of Early Childhood Adversity and Toxic Stress. Pediatrics January 2012; 129 (1): e232–e246. 10.1542/peds.2011-2663
Sroufe, L. Alan. (2005). Attachment and development: A prospective, longitudinal study from birth to adulthood. Attachment & human development. 7. 349-67. 10.1080/14616730500365928.
Ep 31: How to Work with Parenting Guilt and Self-Judgment: The 4 D’s Framework
Episode 26: Answering Your Questions About Decolonized Parenting & Inner Child Re-Parenting.
Episode 27: Why Your Child’s Resilience Needs Your Parenting Mistakes
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