[BONUS] Ep 42: Somatic Warm-Ups Before You Demand a Gaza Ceasefire 

[INTRODUCTION]

Sawadee ka, and welcome to the Come Back to Care podcast. A place where we’re re-imagining parenting to be deeply decolonized and intentionally intergenerational. If you’ve been looking for ways to practice social justice in your daily parenting and nurture your child’s development while re-parenting your inner child, I’m so glad you’re here. I am your host, Nat Nadha Vikitsreth, a decolonized and licensed clinical psychotherapist, somatic abolitionist, and founder of Come Back to Care. A dot connector, norm agitator and lover of liberation. In this podcast, we turn down the volume of oppressive social norms and outdated family patterns so that we can hear our inner voice and raise our children by our own values too. We come back home to our body and the goodness within. We come back to our lineages and communities. And we come back to care… together. So come curious and come as you are.

[EPISODE]

Welcome to episode 42 of the Come Back to Care Podcast. In this moment of injustice, there is so much confusion about what to do and there’s so much urgency to be on the right side of history. If you’re feeling confused or uncertain, and because of that you feel ashamed about not knowing what to do, please know that you’re not alone. Despite the grief, and heartbreak I feel for the loss of Israeli lives and the systemic oppression of Palestinian lives, two things are clear. One, we stand together against genocide and the impact of colonialism. Two, the action to take right now is to email Congress or call your senators to demand a ceasefire. 

In this episode, I’ll walk with you through a few somatic or body-based exercises. So that you can take a moment to take care of your nervous system and fill your cup. And then with fuller cups you and I can take action and demand a ceasefire…from a place of dignity and solidarity not fear, confusion, or performative allyship. You and I are running a long marathon towards liberation and my hope is for these somatic practices to be water and snack stations along the way. We can take a moment to fill our heart cups and refuel our bodies so we can keep on mobilizing together towards liberation. 

At Come Back to Care, decolonized parents and I don't use somatics to in air quotes "regulate" our rage, grief, and heartbreak...just to be calm or be convenient for someone's comfort.

We use somatics to move with the movement for justice. We use somatics to stay in the struggle for liberation. We use somatics to stay anchored in our dignity so we can take action for collective liberation. 

I invite you to replace "somatics as individualistic self-regulation" with "somatics as a reclamation of your voice" so that you and I can take action, take risks, and take a stand from a place of our dignity, solidarity, and radical collective care. 

And a quick note before I begin, I know I mentioned that I was going to take a quick break. And I did take a mini break so my cup right now is full enough to show up for and with you in this episode in solidarity not saviorism. If you’re ready to replace cynicism with care and replace despair with action, let’s get started. 

Say you want to write to Congress or call your senators to demand a ceasefire. But the thought of doing it can trigger your inner child wound of unworthiness and/or humiliation. Thoughts like “but who am I to email Congress?” or “but I don’t know enough about what’s going on so I need to disengage and let other experts take care of this.” With these thoughts popping up, your body might become small, quiet, and invisible. Essentially, you’re stuck in a stress response called a freeze response instead of taking the actions that you want to take. 

Or as a caregiver, you want to take action but you’re so isolated and burnt out from taking care of the household and raising your child. You can’t afford to fall apart and feel all the feelings because if you fall apart, the whole family will too. So, you’re stuck in this freeze response too but with even more shame. 

In this freeze response, you might feel tension and tightness in your torso and diaphragm making it hard for you to move your body, breathe, and take up space. That tension and tightness might also feel like a lump in the back of your throat that makes it hard for you to use your voice. 

Here are a few body-based practices for you to adapt and play with so you can move out of freeze and move into action. As always, you know what feels just-right to your body. These practices are invitational only. Please adapt the ones that work for you, honor your body, and leave the rest. 

And if you’re driving, please re-listen to the episode and engage in these practices when you get home. Alright?

The first invitation is to move and metabolize your grief, panic, or terror in order to literally get unstuck from the freeze stress response. 

I invite you to look around the room and notice different colors and textures of what’s there and feel into the stretches on the sides of your neck. If you’d like, I invite you to look up and down and notice the stretches in the front and back of your neck. 

If your body wants a bit more, I invite you to turn and look to the back, gently twist your torso. Whenever you’re ready, twist your torso the other way as you look to the back. 

When your body is stuck in freeze, there’s so much tension in the torso and the diaphragm, making it so hard to breathe. By twisting the torso, you’re loosening up that body armor. So that you can re-member the spaciousness within your body. So that you can take up space as you take action. 

Perhaps repeat for two more times or until your body feels satisfied. This might mean your shoulders dropped a bit, your jaw isn’t clenched anymore, you can take a fuller breath, your gaze is softer instead of fixed. The heaviness of the world is still there but you might feel safe-ish, grounded-ish, and present-ish. These are often your body’s ways of telling you that you’re back in your bandwidth…a place that’s generative for reconnecting with your child and taking action with your co-conspirators.

If you’d like to involve your child, one invitation is to ask them: “Hey, I’m feeling stuck and tight like a turtle in a shell. What animal can we move like to wiggle and move our bodies out of the tight shell?” And of course please adjust this to your child’s age and developmental readiness.

One variation that might be more functional is to move out of freeze by doing chores whether that’s sweeping the floor, scrubbing the counter, mixing that salad, or moving wet laundry to the dryer. After these chores, check in with your body to see if it’s a bit more grounded and centered for you to email Congress or call your senators to demand a ceasefire.

The second invitation is to soften that lump or tightness in the throat so you can reclaim your voice- literally and figuratively. The invitation is to play with three sounds: audible whisper, audible sound of curiosity, and audible sigh. 

Audible whisper is exhaling with sounds. And it can sound like this “ahh” “ahh.” I often invite parents who want to involve their children in this practice to take a sip of your beverage with your little ones. Then, after you swallow, you go “ahh” together.

Audible sound of curiosity can sound like “umm” “hmmm” “huhhhh.”

Audible sigh is exactly that. Exhale and let it rip: “ughhhh” “ughhhhh”

Hmm, my body needed that. Whichever one you experiment with, again, when it feels complete in your body, take a moment to pause and check in. Perhaps, the lump in the throat is smaller or small enough for you to pick up the phone, call your senator, and use your voice. 

I’ll leave a link to an email template and a telephone script from Jewish Voice for Peace that you can easily access in the episode show notes for you at comebacktocare.com/podcast.

As we’re wrapping up this episode, Mariame Kaba’s teaching of “Hope is a discipline” comes to my heart. I don’t hope for things to be better. The oppressors are going to do what they do- oppress, gaslight, extract, and exploit. But my hope is rooted in our daily collective action that starts at home whether that home is our body or our decolonized parenting practice. Oppression won’t get better on its own but we can meet this oppression a bit more prepared, with a cup that’s a little fuller, and with a nervous system that’s less triggered and more centered. I really want more of us to heal from our internalized oppression wounds from white, colonial, capitalist patriarchy and heal from our inner child wounds from our families’ generational cycles. Because I don’t want to always be the one holding space. I want more of us to be equipped to hold space for one another. If you’d like to join me and other liberation-minded families in the 7-week online cohort for social justice parenting and inner child re-parenting, I’ll leave the registration link for the In-Out-N-Through program in the show notes for you. This Winter cohort that’s starting on November 1st is the final one of the year and the next one will be next Fall. 

But if your bandwidth only has room for one action today, please check out the template from Jewish Voice for Peace in the show notes so you can demand a ceasefire. 

Alright, my dear co-conspirator…Collective care begins with us unapologetically taking a moment to care for our nervous systems and fill our cups so that we can show up to the movement with our whole selves. This is what being an aligned parent and an agile advocate are all about. We step out for a moment to fill our cups. Then, when our cups are a bit fuller, we step back into the work- whether it’s parenting or community organizing- to give and receive love fully. Similarly, movements for liberation begin with us moving out of freeze so we can mobilize and organize with our community. 

I’m taking a break for real now and I’ll be back to wrap up this season with you on November 21st.

As always, in solidarity, grief, hope, rage, and sass…but never cynicism. Until next time, please take care.