In-Out-N-Through® Program Information Video Transcript
WELCOME
I am so glad that you're here getting curious with me about the In-Out-N’-Through® Parenting Program. One dad who went through the program nicknamed this program “How to Yell Less at Your Kids”. It's exactly that and more.
In this video, you'll learn how to get to the bottom of your parenting triggers and work with them more holistically. You'll also hear how the program graduates apply this framework to their day-to-day parenting. And I'm so honored, truly, to share their stories with you in this video. So let's go.
If you're here looking for support because you've been winging it when you asked yourself, what do I do in this scenario? And you frantically grab 5,000 strategies from the internet, implement all of them at the same time, throw them at the wall all at once, crossing your fingers, hoping that one will stick. Then you second guess and doubt yourself which breaks my heart. I'm glad you're here because that tells me how resourceful you've been, and how thorough you have been.
If you're here because you're triggered and tired, and tired of being triggered, you tried gentle parenting, conscious parenting, mantras, meditations, but you still react and then yell and then sound like your own parents when you promised yourself a while back that you're not going to say these things to your child.
I know how painful that can be. And that tells me how aware you are of your patterns and behaviors and how committed you are in giving your child a different childhood from the one you had and how committed you in breaking those family cycles that no longer serve you.
And if you've been saying to yourself, “oh, I'm not doing enough, I care about social justice but when do I have time to do these advocacy skills that I really believe in?” I see your dedication. It tells me you deeply care about social change. And you care deeply about shaping the future for all our children to grow up and be their full selves and have access to what they need to thrive.
I'm so grateful that you're here. Please bring your resourcefulness, your commitment to parenting and social change... And we'll work with your parenting triggers in holistic yet actionable ways. You have what it takes to make this change and I have a framework for you to put this change into action in ways that are clear and concrete.
WHY WE CAN’T THINK OUR WAY OUT OF TRIGGERS
What you'll be doing with me is shifting from this pattern of getting triggered and then immediately react- yelling, snapping, controlling, shutting down, people pleasing.
You'll expand that two-second gap between when you get triggered and when you react with me for 7 sessions. So that when you're triggered, you can respond intentionally to your child.
As a culture, where hustling and grinding for productivity are valued, we're not taught how to take care of our feelings, bodies, and nervous systems. And we can change that.
Does this cycle resonate with you? When you're triggered, you react right away to get rid of any discomfort or overwhelm. And you do that the most efficient way you know how by reverting back to your old, but trusted coping behaviors like yelling, shutting down, numbing out, or people pleasing. Then you feel terrible that you snapped and screamed at your child again, or numbed your feelings out on Tiktok again. So you reduce yourself into labels like "not good enough," "bad parent," or other labels that keep you stuck in shame. And shame doesn't lead to any changes in your behavior because it keeps you stuck in this cycle. And we can get unstuck from this cycle together.
And the new cycle can look like this: your child pushes your button. You're triggered. You know you're getting triggered. So, you regulate your nervous system and do what you do to re-center. You also reflect on where this trigger is coming from and if it's helpful right now. Feeling calm and safe in your body, you can respond intentionally to your child and show them what emotional resilience looks like.
The problem with regulation is that we're taught to think our way out of it, adjust our mindset, and be more discipline. But by the time you can think or realize that you're triggered, you’re already in this react-revert-reduce-repeat cycle.
Because your thinking brain or the neocortex is offline. It's hard to think our way out of it, right? So, self-affirmations when you're triggered might not be enough. By working together, you'll add more tools to your toolkit. I want you to have options.
We're also taught to just breathe. And anything one-size-fits-all isn't going to work for everyone. You'll work with me to map out your nervous system to see your triggers' patterns. Then, you'll add more regulation tools to your toolkit. So you can pick the right tool for the right trigger. Because when your child is screaming in the backseat vs. when they're saying "no" to you during mealtimes might require different strategies to soothe your triggers. In our seven sessions, you'll work on the two pieces that lead up to you responding intentionally and confidently to your child. And these two pieces are regulation and reflection.
WHAT’S POSSIBLE WHEN YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TOOLS FOR YOUR TRIGGERS
You'll shift from winging it to a sense of I got this. You know that sense of inner calm and confidence when you review your day, when you lie awake at night and you're asking yourself, “did I do enough? Did I ruin my kid today?”
And you can specifically pinpoint moments when you were so aligned with your values and name which child development science concept you were using to boost your child's development. You got a concrete receipt to your inner critics that says "I got this."
You'll shift from “triggered and tired” to “centered and connected”. Imagine this. You know exactly which trigger is being triggered because you're noticing different cues in your body. You have the exact right tool for that trigger to use for three breaths in that moment. Then, you feel a bit more centered...just enough to connect with your child and meet them where they're at instead of snapping at them.
And these tools are something that you can show your child and do them together too!
Lastly, you'll shift from not doing enough to taking small concrete actions daily. Imagine you're practicing social justice actions like accountability or solidarity in your day-to-day parenting very intentionally. You're getting your reps in, you're strengthening your social justice muscle. So that when you go and advocate for change in your community, you know exactly what you're doing because you've been practicing those skills with your child. And you don't have to doubt yourself: was that performative? Did I take up too much space?
THIS PROGRAM IS FOR YOU IF…
And if you're raising young children from zero to 15 years old, and you care about science, both child development science for your child and neurobiology for yourself and your behavioral changes, you're in the right place. And if you care about social justice too, which I know you do, you're in the right place.
Just in case you're wondering, “but Nat, do I need a program for parenting? Can I just, D.I.Y. it?” Of course you can. My podcast is all about that. It's a free resource for you. And even without the podcast, I know you've been very resourceful.
Some parents who come through the program, initially, they're just not sure what to look for. And that's what Heliana shared with me.
Heliana is a queer, biracial parenting raising their 2 kiddos who are 10 and 12 in a mixed-race family with their queer partner.
Heliana told me that “I was looking for very concrete skills to help both my kiddo and I (meltdowns). But I got so much more. There were pieces that you helped me to think about, unlike any book that I picked up, any internet search I’d done, or even parenting classes that I had taken previously about how to regulate my own nervous system to then show up to support my kiddos to regulate their nervous systems. Because this might sound like a lot of gobbledygook to people who are not familiar with somatic practice, but it was like really clear exercises that you teach us that little children could learn.”
So if you're not sure what you're looking for, but a part of you is looking for support, stay tuned.
WHAT NAT STANDS FOR
If you're new to my work and Come Back to Care, hi there.
My name is Nat Nadha Vikisreth (she/her/hers) and I've been working with children and families since 2009. There's nothing that I love more than supporting families to show up fully and loving their kids for who they are.
You can find my education backgrounds, national awards, publications, and professional details on the website. Because right now, what I want to share is what I stand for.
I've been organizing with my trans community and doing political education since 2007, back in Thailand. My teaching philosophy is "to make revolution irresistible," to quote Toni Cade Bambara. That means no matter how new or experienced you are when it comes to political analysis or direct action, I got you. We'll make liberation work actionable no matter how full your plate is. And it's possible because...
I believe in working smarter, not harder. Because my background is in political organizing and my training is in child development, our work in this parenting program is an integration of these two areas I love. What it looks like for you is the parenting strategies that you're developing with me in the program are based in child development science. And they're also opportunities for you to practice social justice action too. This way you're promoting your child's development AND strengthen your social justice action muscles at the same time.
And right here you'll see two photos. The one up top is my great grandmother and me as a baby. The one below is my grandmother rocking her 80's grandma perm. Both of them are with the ancestors now.
I'm sharing them because family cycles get passed down from one generation to the next. These generational cycles cause childhood emotional wounds or inner child wounds. And we carry these wounds into adult relationships and definitely parenting. These unhealed emotional wounds then become parenting triggers.
That's why I believe that a holistic way of working with your parenting triggers is to understand where in your childhood your triggers are coming from.
When you make sense of how you were loved as a child is shaping how you're loving your child, you can get unstuck from your old coping behaviors and stop passing down outdated family cycles to your child.
And most strategies out there about parenting triggers don't cover this part or they don't do it in ways that are trauma-informed and culturally meaningful.
Another value I stand for is there's no parenting blueprint or manual. You bring what you know about your child and yourself. I'll bring what I know about evidence-based child development science and abolitionist social justice actions. And together we'll think through action plans together. You adapt what resonates into YOUR method and leave the rest.
And one last thing that I really believe in is “most of the time.”
Whatever social justice parenting or inner child reparenting we're doing in our program, we do it most of the time because parenting is real and perfection isn't.
A SCHEDULE AT-A-GLANCE: HOW TO SHIFT FROM TRIGGERED TO CENTERED
And this is our very clear roadmap of how we're going to get from “winging it” to “I got it” together in 7 sessions.
In week one, you're working with shame, guilt, and regret that have been keeping you stuck. You get clear about the societal pressure that's telling you how to be a good parent. And this clarity can help you find balance between teaching your child to survive under white, colonial, capitalist patriarchy (like paying bills and putting food on the table) and teaching your child to thrive, build community, and be a change agent.
You'll apply a two-step social justice parenting framework that's really easy to integrate into your busy schedule.
Let's see what that looks like in action for Charles.
Charles is a Black father raising bi-racial 2- and 3-year-old children in a bi-racial family. Charles and his wife joined the program together. It was so cool for them to have a new language and awareness to get on the same page together.
Charles said “As a Black man, you're told that your family is your responsibility, and you're the one that has to do all these things for your family's sake. It was eye opening understanding more about who I am as a person and why I was so adherent to the ‘musts’ (or ‘do as I say’). It helped me to alleviate that pressure basically and helped me to kind of accept my role graciously and like, ‘Hey, yes, I am a Black father and I do have a Black family, but at the same time, we're all learning. We're all figuring out together, us and the kids.”
I have another example from Heliana. She shared “What I ended up getting so much from the program was skills to help my kids show up in a way that was their authentic self. I didn't realize that the way that I had been raised by really well-intentioned educators was really about control. So I was engaging with my kiddos in ways that I had no idea that I was actually undermining their self-determination. I don't want my kids to grow up to be good workers for a system that ultimately is not going to help them. You really helped me to think about how to show up in a parenting that was joining with my kiddos rather than power over.”
In the second session, you'll study how your triggers show up in your body, map out your nervous system, and pick a specific tool to reset your nervous system and soothe your trigger. You'll shift from reacting to your child automatically to responding to your child intentionally. If you're new to body-based things, I have activities that we do as a group to deepen your body awareness. I got you. Throughout the seven sessions, you're going to play with new tools each time. So you can start building your toolkit for your nervous system. And here's how it works from Lori.
Lori describes themself as a single, pansexual, biracial (Choctaw and white) mom raising their 15, 13, and 10 year old children. And a mom of 2 dogs and cats. I love that Lori shared “I know I'm starting to get really ramped up here and it's very easy to yell at (my children). I can kind of do the (nervous system) resets, bring myself down at least to a manageable level before it gets too far out of control. Sometimes it's not as easy. I can pass on (this nervous system regulation) to my children also so that when life gets to be way up here, they can bring themselves back down.”
In sessions 3 and 4, you'll come up with your parenting plans specific to you and your child. When you ask yourself "what do I do?" you'll have an action plan that's aligned with your values and informed by child development science. Remember that sense of "I got it," right?
You'll learn the 3 parenting actions that promote your child's brain growth, social-emotional resilience, and overall development. We call them the 3 R's. When life gets chaotic and overwhelming and you feel like you're not doing enough, it can be reassuring to say "you know what, I did one of those R's today and that's good enough. We'll try again tomorrow."
You'll also learn how these 3 R's of child development are also opportunities for you to practice social justice actions like solidarity, power-with, and accountability too. Remember that we're going to both-and child development science and social justice action? We're doing it in sessions 3 and 4.
Each session, you'll also get a warm seat coaching with me to come up with a specific plan for you to try during the week. And you can come back the following week and share updates with the group for accountability and celebration...if it feels right to you.
Let's see what it looks like in action for Aireen. Aireen is a second generation, Filipino-American mom raising her four-year-old kiddo in a bi-racial family. Aireen shared that “I recognized my child as her own person and parent with more fun and less fear. One of the many many frameworks I took away with me during the program was the idea of parenting with solidarity, not saviorism and powering-with, not powering-over. I now am more attuned to my own feelings, recognize them, validate them, and then take steps to regulate, using one of the regulating techniques we learned. My go-to is rubbing my chest and belly while taking deep breaths. I also now invite my child to do this with me, so we can regulate together. Huge breakthrough I made in this program: My child can only regulate if I regulate first. I can only make a true connection with my child if I regulate first. And when I make a true connection, I can be the parent I truly want to be and break damaging generational cycles.”
Sessions 5 to 7 are about triggers again but this time we're diving a little deeper. You know how you snap and sound like your parents...again and you're not sure why? You'll unpack why that is here.
You'll explore the types of upbringing you had and therefore, what kind of inner child wound that's underneath your triggers. You'll use a specific quiz I designed based on the Destiny's Child archetypes. Once you know the type of wounds you have, you can select the right tool for the right inner child wounds. To say it another way, you're working on your parenting triggers in these three sessions by healing the inner child wounds underneath your triggers. You'll walk away with specific inner child re-parenting strategies to break the outdated family cycles and stop passing them down to your child. Here's how Katherine put it into action.
Katherine is an able-bodied, cisgender mom, racialized as white raising a four-year-old child. She shared “Reparenting my inner child has helped me to understand why certain behaviors tend to trigger me, and now I don't take it so personally. For example, one of the protections I developed as a child was people-pleasing and avoiding conflict. That has made it difficult for me to set boundaries and limits, and I feel a lot of tension in my throat when my daughter pushes back or ignores what I have told her. Now that I am more aware of this pattern I soothe and ground myself in those moments so that my inner child knows she is safe. Instead of snapping at my daughter from a place of dysregulation, I (most of the time) respond intentionally by calmly and firmly sticking to my boundary or limit - practicing "power with" rather than "power over."
THE RESULTS YOU’LL GET
At the end of the seven sessions, you'll have holistic strategies to soothe your triggers. You'll have a map specific to your nervous system to see how your triggers operate.
You'll have a toolkit of short exercises to re-center yourself in the heat of the moment. These exercises are children-friendly too and your child can do them with you.
You'll have specific parenting plans that are aligned with your values and informed by science.
You'll have your inner child re-parenting strategies to get to the root of your triggers.
You'll have social justice advocacy skills practiced and ready for action too because you’ve been practicing them throughout your day-to-day parenting.
PROGRAM LOGISTICS AND STRUCTURE
How does it all work? We're going to meet for seven sessions, once a week, two hours a week on Zoom, live with me. We're going to meet in the evening, 6:30 to 8:30pm. Central Time or 4:30pm Pacific Time, 7:30pm Eastern Time. During these two hours, you can multitask, you can have your kids in the background, kids on your lap, babies in your arms. You can stim, you can flap your hands, you can lay down, you can take a break and grab a drink. Do what you need to do. No need to arrange for childcare. Come as you are.
Each session is a small group of eight to 10 families, and it's very interactive. It's part lecture, part discussion, part practice.
You'll do self-reflection, journaling, group discussion, and body-based exercises as much or little as you'd like.
You also get a warm seat coaching with me.
Everything is invitational and optional. Pass is an option. You can hold space and observe as well.
FAQs
If you're wondering, Oh my gosh, I don't know if I'm enough of an activist to join this group, or it's going to be a room full of strangers. And I'm not sure if I can share deep stories about myself. You're not alone. I facilitate this group with integrity so there's no trauma dumping. Your stories are sacred to you. I'll guide our discussion along so we all learn from one another.
Heliana says “In the space that you created for us. I felt really comfortable talking about the challenging stuff and not having to make it seem like we've figured it out.”.
Here's wisdom from Nani too.
Nani is an amazing mom racialized as white raising her 21, 10, and 3 year old children and she was expecting a baby at the time too. Nani shares “(The program) just ended up being a really wonderful community and just the thing I didn't know I needed.”
If you're thinking wow 7 weeks is a long time, it is and it's designed this way because unlearning old habits take time. It also takes time to experiment with new skills and integrate them into your daily practice.
Tori and Chirs are racialized as White and raising their spirited 2-year-old together in a cishetero family. They also took the program together while their two year old was playing in the background. It was so delightful to see them tag team and multitask. They shared that “I had thought I did a lot of that self-reflection, a lot at looking at my own parenting, a lot of healing and understanding myself. And it was like, there was a hidden room in my house that I didn't know it’s there. And I got to find it, and it's filled with treasures.”
If you're worried about two hours on zoom, that's a long time. I get it. It's so interactive that 2 hours usually fly by.
Whitney is a Black, bisexual, neurodivergent mom raising 10 and 12 year old children. Whitney shared "I was just excited to come back every week and learn more... because every week I would leave feeling like, 'okay, I'm not alone.’”
If you need to miss a class because life happens? I got you covered. You'll have access to 6 pre-recorded video modules to review at your own pace...because we all learn differently, right?
You'll have 6 workbook guides and a printed journal that I'll snail mail to you.
You'll have one private 50-minute coaching call with me to ask questions, come up with new plans, and more.
Lastly, and this is very important to me, you'll receive a 12-month pass to monthly sessions with me and the program graduates. You'll meet other social justice curious families and continue our unlearning and our practice one a month. It's a drop-in so come when you can and come as you are. There's no fee. It's included in the program.
INVESTMENT
With all of that, the investment is listed below on this page.
There are three pricing tiers for you to choose which one resonates with your current financial situation. And you can do one payment or you can do three monthly payments. And if you need a pay-what-you-can option, please send me an email at nat at come back to care dot com. There's no need to write a long essay justifying your financial needs. Just say you need it and this is the amount you can pay from your heart and I'll honor that.
WHY JOIN NOW?
So why now? And I know it's a little icky to hear and I know you already know this. Your child is getting older each day. You have what it takes to show up fully for your child and be their role model for social change.
This is what Nicole shares.
Nicole is a Mexican-American mother raising her bi-racial two-year-old child. She says “I could have the best intentions and still inadvertently be recreating those intergenerational family patterns with Gabe. I don’t want him to carry on my trauma. And if I can slow down and be a little more intentional about how I react to Gabe in my action. That's one concrete way, I think, that I'll be able to not only heal from my own past but help Gabe to not have to carry that on for himself.”
And when you look back maybe five years from now, I don't want you to just remember all the oops and what if's. Those moments are gonna be there. I just want them to be balanced with the messy and meaningful moments of "I got this." Because I want you to remember your legacy. I want you to remember the cycles that you broke so your child didn't have to. I want you to remember the healing work that you put in that your ancestors couldn't do too.
And I know that change is hard.
And in our work together, there's a clear roadmap, concrete framework, and group accountability to address your triggers and to re-align your parenting with your values.
Our work is certainly complex, I'm not gonna downplay that, but complex work can be easeful and dare I say, fun.
CLOSING
When you're ready, come transform yourself to transform the world- as Grace Lee Boggs taught- together.
It will be my sacred honor to be a tiny part of your parenting village.
Thank you so much for being here with me and learning more about the In-Out-N’-Through® program.