How Nicole Rewrites Her Stories, Heal Her Inner Child Wounds & Embodies Her Parenting Mission Statement
“Something that really stuck out with me is how am I parenting him in a way that can kind of challenge those negative patterns that I was raised with and stopping and reflecting as a way to make my responses more intentional.
I realized those things that he might stir up in me. If I pause and say, ‘oh, this makes me anxious because of these things in my past or these things in my family. How can I say this in a way that can help Gabe build upon his emotional regulation or his awareness of his own feelings?’
I enjoy reflecting on things that happened and how they might play out now.”
- Nicole
From Autopilot to Bold, Conscious, & Decolonized Family Building…
Most of the Time
Nicole’s family is from Mexico and she’s building a family with her husband who is White. Nicole was intentional about how she was raising her 2-year-old-biracial son, Gabe. She worked hard to respond to Gabe instead of reacting to him. Despite Nicole’s intentions, sometimes the fast pace of parenting and the unrealistic societal expectations around motherhood led Nicole to ignore her needs and her body’s cues in order to cater to her son.
Nicole came in with a commitment to raising her child intentionally. Through the In-Out-N-Through™ program, Nicole built on that commitment by being present with him and breaking the family patterns she grew up with.
Nicole was able to connect the dots and see what she was reacting to (instead of responding to). Nicole was able to discern that this reaction is related to her internalized oppression around capitalism. Similarly, when the reaction was about the intergenerational patterns from her caregivers, she was able to name it as such during classes. She shared that the classes were “incredibly safe [places] to share things that could be very triggering.”
With this awareness, Nicole didn’t have to worry about her inner child wound taking the driver’s seat. Instead, she could confidently embody the intention to be present with Gabe fully…most of the time.
What helped Nicole break away from her habits of ignoring her own needs so that she could take care of Gabe was her body-based awareness. She stated:
“It's very nice to get back in touch with the body, to realize that ‘Oh, my shoulders are a little tight.’ I don't have to ignore this and just keep pushing forward. I can take care of myself in the moment without having to essentially become a martyr. I enjoy being a parent. I also enjoy remembering what it's like to just be Nicole. This (Program) really helped me realize that both can exist, both-and, exist. I could be Nicole and a parent simultaneously without having to sacrifice or be a martyr to whatever I'm doing or whatever Gabe needs.”
In terms of Nicole’s intergenerational family healing, she shared that, “I honor that when you know better, you tend to do better and that my parents did the best they could with what they had. And to also honor myself and my husband and our own parenting journey.”
Nicole appreciated different journaling, self-reflection, and body-based exercises, such as “Parents as People” and “From Pity Party to Pool Party,” that gave her space to “grow up her relationship with her parents” (special gratitude to Dr. Fishbane for teaching me this term).
Nicole honored where she came from, re-wrote her living legacy, and unsubscribed from oppressive norms…most of the time. She’s building a legacy of compassion and liberation for her son, Gabe, and future generations.